Maybe problems follow me about, or perhaps I'm just really bad at picking an ISP, but after my problems at Virgin I thought I'd made a good choice by migrating to PlusNet. Wrong!! At the time I moved they had a good reputation, with customers who sang their praises.

It's amazing how quickly an ISP can throw away that goodwill. If you would like to follow a similar business model, here's how:

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Step 1
Advertise two new ADSL products, Premier and Plus, with the latter for those who don't use any file-sharing programmes, both with 2Mbps as standard. Price the Premier package at £20/month less than the 2Mbps product it replaces, £10/month less for those currently on 1Mbps. Promise that when (if?) 4 and 8Mbps ADSL becomes available via BT, speeds will be increased for free.

Step 2
Wait for new customers to sign up, then 1 week later announce that you've changed your mind and you won't be giving the 4 & 8Mbps speed upgrades for free.

Step 3
This is where it gets profitable. Don't tell your existing customers that their package has been replaced by one £20/month cheaper, let them find out for themselves!! Instead, rebrand it as Premier at £39.99/month with 4 and 8Mbps upgrades for free. That's right, you get up to £20/month extra off loyal customers by promising them a speed upgrade that won't even be available for at least 7 months. That's £140! For doing nothing! This ISP business is easy.

Step 4
Rather than providing enough bandwidth to go round, restrict speeds on the Premier package. If your customers start querying why their download speeds seem slower than usual, deny everything for at least 2 weeks.

Step 5
To try and save yourself from having to shell out on bandwidth to cover all the extra users you've signed up, start blocking TCP ports. Again, if your customers start queying it, deny everything.

Step 6
Wish you were back in the good old days when you could disconnect dial-up users who's connections were idle? Well wish no more. Remember that pesky £14.99 2Mbps product? Start disconnecting it if the connection is idle for 30 minutes. That's right, 'always on' broadband will be a thing of the past for those cheapskates.

And so it goes on. If you're considering signing up for your first ADSL connection, or migrating to PlusNet, think very carefully and cast your eye over the ADSL Guide PlusNet forums first.